Walking this road to eternity..Walk with me, will you?

Happy =)

It's 11.40pm, and i'm here, sweaty and sticky, face is oily, reeking of BBQ smell, legs are aching, throat is itching.. But, i am happy.

Just came back from Bishan, where we had a BBQ with the basketball gals... Met them to buy food, and I learnt how to give freedom of choice, and to see how many of them are so thrify and 'aunty'. haha. Played basketball with them, can you imagine? well, standing at the end of the court, I couldn't help wondering since when did courts become so big.. Ran half a court only, and I pulled my muscle, all because I didn't warm up. yah right. haha. well, but i enjoyed it lah, laughing and running..It was enjoyable to see the gals having fun with each other, joking and caring for each other, and most of all, I am thankful. This is only the 5th time I've met them, and I recall the very first time when I went down during their training. It was so awkward, and they were so cold, refusing to talk to me.. Honestly, I left feeling a sense of despair, because it felt like impossible to have them warm up to me.. but today, I am reallie thankful. Who said youth work is difficult? haha.. yes lah, it is, but when we look at the little things of growth, the satisfaction and enjoyment is 'wow'.

I felt really old:
1) when I could share with them my education history.
2) when they hear that you're from SAJC and NUS, and they drop jaws and go 'wow'.
3) when I can just make a fool of myself and laugh with them, because I am past the identity formation age..
4) when I had to watch the time and urge them to go home
5) when I had to be the one giving instructions of how to do this and that, how to clear up...

On the other hand, I felt rather young:
1) when I could laugh and joke with them
2) when conversations were about teachers and prefects and tucking in of uniform
3) === too tired to think anymore ===

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Modules for next sem are out today. and looking through the honours modules, which ain't much choice, I had only one question, "Why am I doing this?".. I guess reality abt honours yr has not really sank in, and to face the crunch time that, yes, i have to take all these modules that doesn't look appealing, as well as to read more stuff, do more essays. meet more deadlines, and finish exams.. i wonder how did i come this far? and what made me walk this road.. sighs.. but on a postive note, I should give myself a chance, and be optimistic right.. to seize the chance to apply what i learn, and to see how I can use it for any occasion.. hmm..

Another random thought.. Travelling these few days on MRT has been a little traumatic for me.. Each time I step in, and as I look around, there comes the haunting thought: "These people do not know God." It's not whether they are Christians. It's that there is no relationship with the One who gives abundant life. I try to brush it off, I squeeze my eyes, I try to think of something else, I take a deep breath, and there's such the heaviness of it pressing down on me.. But how, Lord? Really, how?

posted by sDiEnDo @ 11:43 PM