I learn new things everyday..
It has been a packed week so far, and there are more and more pimples on my face..argh. As each day passes, I get more and more stressed looking at all the undone EA work. Today it really hit me hard, as I saw how some have gotten their scripts up, and how Norman has offered to help me a bit for the umpteen time this week, but each time, I can only say "thanks, but I have not gotten anything out yet.." In fact, it was status quo since last week.But work aside, it has been a fruitful week. A children's camp which I helped out with. I observed, I taught, I instructed, I disciplined, I mothered. It was so so so tiring, and I was drained even in the first 2 hours. Wow, 2 days felt a little like eternity lah, having the kids with neverending energy, not to mention attitude and behavioural problems, constant questions, and 40 kids each demanding all of your attention at teh same time. Did you ever know that some children act out in misbehaviour because they desire for your attention? It's difficult to correct it - Discipline them and give them more attention, or teach them to be less attention-seeking and let them continuing misbehaving? At the end of the camp, I am zonked out, with a sorethroat and flu. And also, plagued with questions of "Is this really what I want to do?". And I learnt, that there are different passions in life, and each garner a different level of satisfaction. And I became clearer, what gives me quite a lot of satisfaction, versus what gives me full satisfaction. The big question that is lingering is "Do I compromise and just be practical, even if i know that it won't give me absolute satisfaction? Will I be contended with just a bit? After all, most people do not even work at something that they are even passionate in.. Am I supposed to pursue whatever gives me full satisfaction? or what?" I really don't know. If only people had a straightforward guide for figuring out your life and future.
COOL cell had BBQ today, and i enjoyed myself lots. It was really good to see each of them simply warming up naturally, and letting our hair down. I learnt lots today, about what makes each one laugh, what are the strengths of each, what are the likes and dislikes of each. Each of them have really grown up, and yes, I know I keep on harping on this, but today, I am reminded of it once again. When I needed to call my boy's house, I got a minor shock when I scrolled to his name in my phonebook, and it said "Clement sec 1". That day, he was the 'attitude problem' kid who refused to bring bible or respond in cell. Today, he is sec 4, more involved in the cell, has the gift of teaching, and bakes absolutely delicious cheesecake for the cell. sighs. I have a bad feeling that I am going to feel super lost as all of them graduate from sec 4, and from under my wings.
I cannot emphasize once again the benefits of home visits. Seeing the home environment, and things that matter to them, I see what a awesome family Clement and Cherie (they are siblings)have. I was particularly amazed by the parents, who consider their children a heritage from God, and instill so much Christian upbringing. It was good talking to their mum, sharing with her their progress, and hearing from her side about their strengths and weaknesses. I learnt something new, and have a better idea how to guide and nurture. Wah, liaising with supportive parents are good, but it felt a bit funny still - I feel so old, having to talk about your child's growth and all, not to mention having to take the initiative to introduce myself as the cell mentor, and talking about their children. But hey, it's all about systemic perspective and networking eh? *kudos to social work!*
Today, I realized that I do not just want to be that "nice girl who once taught me cell". I want to be a role model, a mentor, to make a difference to their lives. And if so, much more effort has to be put into loving this generation - a generation of acne, low self esteem, and peer pressure, not to mention searching for identity. So, here am I, reaching home at 12.25am, and a lot poorer because of cab fare and all. Well, when it comes to these lives whose smiles and laughter make my day, time does not matter. Money does not matter. Sacrifice does not matter. Work does not matter. (oh dear..)
I shan't pin my hopes of doing work in retreat, cos I know it ain't gonna happen. Oh well, maybe God would teach me how to plan out everything in my dreams, don't you think?
posted by sDiEnDo @ 1:07 AM
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