Valley Lessons.
I should have started a series of Valley Lessons long ago.. but it only did dawn on me now.Valleys and High Peaks are common to my spiritual walk. Only that I have always detested valleys, and would whine, kick, and scream to get out.
But just recently, I've started to give thanks for the valleys. Not only have I come to accept them (for now lah), but I've come to see that they are indeed part of God's perfect plan too.
So while I'm still in the valley, here's Valley Lesson #1 :
It's beyond me, and it's not about me.
These few weeks, I've been learning that much as I want to get myself out of the pits, I really can't. I want to get back my first love. I can't. I want to pray more. I can't. I want to get rooted in the Word. I can't. I want to worship with all my heart. I can't. There are days I keep trying, only to end up in disappointment. These are days I feel the weakest, that I feel the most wasted, the most detached. It takes multiple failures to realize that I truly can't get the act altogether by myself, no matter how much I will it. And as there are days that I start to sink in despair, losing hope that perhaps 'that's it' for me.
But funnily enough, there starts to come a small sense of rising hope. It started really faint, and as I clinged on to it, it grew with absolute certainty. This hope : that God has all the power to make things right again, and that He will. What an awesome realization, to be able to see the truthfulness of my wretched self, and to gasp at the unfathomable grace. This has left me thankful, that it is such valleys that knocks out the self-reliance spirit. It is unimaginable of the times where I felt I could conquer the world because I 'had it all together', that as long as I keep the pace, nothing will go wrong.
One must know that despite being in the valleys, the world still revolves, such as serving in ministry continues. There are many new things I'm tasked with, many I used to think is 'No Problema!', but now, it's beyond me. "Why now?" I used to ask. "I can't do it! I'm not up to it!" I would say. I am perfectly right. That to serve in such capacity when I'm not in my 'top form' is a bad timing. But I've come to realize, it's not about me. It never was. It never was about how well I could pray, or how much verses I could quote. It never was about how high I could lift my hands during worship, or how much tears could I cry during altar call. And so, in the midst of my weakness, I say "I will persevere, not because I can do it, but because I know You can." What an oxymoron, that when I am weak, then I am strong.
This is my first penned Valley Lesson, with regrets of many left only to the failable memory. But one thing I'm sure of, that these lessons would keep coming, as these valleys keep coming. And hopefully, I would embrace them as much as the High Peaks, because they are also part of God's intended beautiful plan. Hopefully, also less of whining, kicking and screaming "What's wrong, Lord?", but more of persevering, growing and asking "What is it, Lord?"
posted by sDiEnDo @ 1:51 AM
2 Comments:
I like this post. "When I am weak, then I am strong." It's really not about being strong all the time hor...
Thanks, Esther. You spoke right into my heart.
Excellent post.
I was reminded of how it is many a times an issue of surrender.
That whether we are willing to surrender to God our weakness, failures, and all our not-being-able-to-get-our-act-together so that He may be glorified.
-joseph
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